Giselle101's Blog

Sparkle

giselle101 — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 13:21:24 +0000

Sparkly. That is my theme for the season. That is the theme of our New Year’s Eve party. I have embraced this theme since I first thought of it. I put a sparkle in my nails, make-up, my skin.. But most importantly, I have reflected the sparkle back to my eye, as it shines through from my heart.

This has not been an all too easy year. There are things that I wish I could change, but couldn’t. I catch myself hidinging my own light so others can shine brighter.. And it only broke my heart and made me really sad. That just isn’t a natural state with me. Happy is. Lightness is. That is where I thrive. I love colors.. Happy colors. I love pink, unrestrained laughter, warm, big hugs.. I love that I’m a girlie girl.. that at my age, I still giggle at the silliest things, and little acts of kindness and loving gestures brighten my day. I love funny movies, and love stories. I cry when I am happy, frustrated, and sad. Emotional stability, reliability and confidence, for me, is sexy. I cannot walk and text at the same time. I am obssessed with Criminal Minds, and do not miss an episode of Glee. I get sucked into food runs at 4 am because it is hard for me to say no to the people I love. I love writing cards. Candles relaxes me. I love massages, mani and pedi.

What is the point?? It’s this. No one is perfect, yet within us, is the immeasurable capacity to shine and illumine our world. And we can only do so by embracing ourselves.. Our light.. Our being. By doing so, we illumine not just our path, but those of others as well. I’ve decided to stop hiding my light so others can feel better about themselves. I’ve decided to let my light shine.. Not just to be bright, but to actually Sparkle.

Have a great weekend everyone!! Let the sunshine in!! Be happy and spread the love!!

Wicked

giselle101 — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 11:04:56 +0000

I haven’t written in almost a year. It amazes me how fast this year went.. so many things have happened. I went to a family gathering yesterday, and one of my cousins told me that she misses my blog.. And how she could relate to so many of my thoughts.. Or experiences. That truly warmed my heart. Sometimes I write stuff because that’s what I do.. That’s my release, my clarity, my emotional catalyst.. When someone relates to it.. Or it gets a reaction from someone, I think that is the greatest reward. Having said that, I promise to write again.. Once a week, at the very least. Let’s start it light.

WICKED. It is no secret that I love the theater.. Or that Wicked is on the top of my list. So, it is no surprise that I watched it again. I love Wicked for so many reasons… The music..yup, I know every song; the sentimentality.. It’s the story before Dorothy and her dog Toto, arrived the emerald city of Oz, in the classic story of The Wizard of Oz.. And who doesn’t love The Wizard of Oz??!! But most of all, I love Wicked, because despite the fact that it is written as a fiction, a fantasy.. It is one of the few stories that is actually relatable. When you get past the perky sound, or how blonde Galinda (with a Ga) is, or past Elphaba’s green colored skin, you will find a story that tells us so much about life and love.. the complexities of the human heart, the power of the our spirit.. And the bonds that keep us together.. Or apart. It challenges us to look beyond.. It encourages us to question. It shows us who we are at the very core. Like The Wizard of Oz, Wicked exposes the political nature of the time, with humor and seeming superficiality. I am in awe at how real and honest this story is, and how genius it is, to brilliantly tell it in a completely fictional manner.

I learned and experienced so much this year. I am glad to be back. May my journey enlighten your path.. Or at least bring a smile to it.

Have a great week everyone!! It is the season to be jolly.. So let’s do it.. Let’s spread good cheer and a whole lot of love!!

Resolutions

giselle101 — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 11:20:22 +0000

Everyone starts the year with a resolution. A list things you intend to do.. but most of the time, don’t. I have made several over the years, and abandoned them no longer than I thought of them. The truth is, there was never any resolve to do it. I did not make any this year.. at least when it started. I had made no resolutions. When a friend asked what my new year resolution was, I gave a blank stare.. followed by one of puzzlement, because I just realized, I didn’t make any. A week has passed, and now I am actually thinking about it.. What do I want to accomplish this year.. I don’t want some random thought that I will abandon tomorrow, but a simple, achievable, concrete plan that I can, and will follow through, this year.

Participate in another marathon.. or in my case, walkathon.
Work one day extra every pay period, whenever possible.. because I never do.
Go on a retreat.
Ride a hot air balloon.. because this is the only thing in my original bucket list that I haven’t done.

There. Short and uncomplicated.

There is more.. the more complex resolution.. to cultivate this lightness of being inside. Over the years, I have become less afraid, more open. I understand more fully what it is to be really happy.. and how precious and priceless these moments are. A deeper understanding brought about by living a life of awareness. I realized that being happy did not mean an absence of conflict.. in fact, the older I get, the more I am convinced that there is utter brilliance in the imperfect. Happiness is a messy business. It involves a choice to be involved.. being fully engaged.. being a part of someone’s life, or something you believe in. It is a decision to care. It involves taking risks.. even getting hurt, and breaking your heart, every so often. You cannot have one foot outside the door. There is no real joy in the halfhearted. Love is not possible from a distance. Being happy is a choice to experience life in its grandest.. and that grandness encompasses everything… both good and bad… the joys and the sorrow. It is the acceptance of this and being at peace with it. I choose to live my life that way… to live a life of great adventure.. and there is no grander adventure than to love with everything you’ve got.

So here’s to a New Year and a new perspective.. Here’s to meeting our goals.. Here’s to Love and Life, and the beautiful souls we will meet along the way. May our Light illumine the way for others.

Have a great year everyone!!

To My Love

giselle101 — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 09:46:12 +0000

Today is extra special. It is the birthday of someone I love.. and most likely, the person who loves me the most.. no ifs or buts. I was enough. I didn’t have to do anything to earn that love, I didn’t have to try and work hard for it. It was enough that I was myself.. that is actually all he wanted. I celebrate his life because it is what gives meaning to mine. Through his example, I learned what is truly essential in life.. Invest in people.. their lives, their hearts, their minds. Respect and appreciate nature and everything around you. He did not just say, “love the trees”, he actually planted them…. so many of them. Find joy in the simplest things. Walking in the mud or running in the rain has never been more fun.

When I last saw him, I whispered, “If you forget everything else, at least remember that we love you very much”, ..and I hope he does. I miss you sooooooo much. Happy Birthday Dada!! I love you very, very much.

Storms

giselle101 — Mon, 27 Dec 2010 08:45:11 +0000

A month ago I blogged at how great this year has been.. a month ago I blogged that I felt the winds of change stirring.. that I would let her take me to whatever direction she chooses. I wrote that I wished the winds would be gentle.. but if it chooses to show it’s power, I asked for the courage to let go of my fears and uncertainties, and trust that it was only teaching me how to fly. A month ago, I did not know how true those words would be.. a month ago, I did not know, like I do now, how profoundly the wind could change my course.

I am writing as the rain and wind is pounding. I am writing in the storm. Seems so apt, as I feel like I am battling several storms inside as well. Every year for as long as I can remember, when the year is ending, I get a feeling of how or what the next year will be for me. It’s really hard to explain.. but somehow, that feeling, sets the tone for the year. I have a feeling I know where this year’s journey is going to be.. I think the wind is leading me back home. Life truly has a sense of humor.. and I have gone full circle. When I left the Philippines years ago, I left a part of me too. I left the Me that was all too responsible, always so serious, always strong and in control. While she was a part of Me that was an adult, a part I loved and people around me relied on, I wanted to explore the part of me that was more like a child. I chose to live for that self. The last few years has mostly been all about Me. I experienced more of the Me that was carefree, and fun, less restrained. I did not hold back tears, or laughter.. or opinions. I did not live by anyone’s standards but myself. I allowed myself to feel pain deeply, by way of betrayal and rejection, and accept love without the need to repay it or deserve it.. without feeling guilty for everything that I am or everything that I have. I allowed myself to accept help, and find no shame in that. The irony is that, the more I live out the part of me that only cares about me, the more connected I feel towards others. Now more than ever, I feel her again.. But she has changed. She is softer.. gentler.. but stronger in a way that truly matters. I can see her and sense her once again.. it’s like meeting an old friend. The circumstances of the last few weeks has undoubtedly called her forth. When the storm hit, I knew what it was asking of me. I have become more accustomed to listening to that voice within, and noticing the signs and subtle changes. In one of my darkest days the last two weeks, I remembered to let my light shine.. by doing so, I only hope to have illumined the path of others. I remembered that inside of me is everything that I ever needed. In the last two weeks, I remembered what it meant to be disillusioned to be informed. I remembered what friendship meant.. or entailed. I remembered that love is a choice to care.. to reach out, to go beyond ones self… irregardless of the pain you may have to endure, because really, it is a pain you willingly take. I remembered that pain is the greatest Teacher, and in her will I find the biggest opportunity for growth and enlightenment. I remembered because I have been here before. And while I used to kick and scream, I find myself now, throwing myself willingly to the wind.. because this time, I am sure that letting go is the only way to soar.

So here is to 2010, who for the most part has been an amazing respite. Here to is for 2011, who undoubtedly will bring great opportunities to hone and master the skills we have gained to become Warriors of the Light. May we all continue on to our journey with great pride and hope, always turning our faces towards the sun.. unafraid.. defiant.. living Life to the fullest, loving with everything we got.

Have a great New Year everyone!! Take care..

Winds of Change

giselle101 — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 13:13:42 +0000

I haven’t written in months. I was caught up in my bliss that there wasn’t much to write.. everything was felt.. experienced. It is no secret that 2009 was hell for me.. too much pain and drama. 2010 has more than made up for it. It’s been amazingly fun.. I guess you can say that my pain opened doors. I opened my door. But this isn’t about that. Time is racing to the upcoming year, and it’s like the gods decided to roll the dice. I feel the winds of change blowing… and I am wondering whether it is going to kiss my cheek or throw me off my feet. There is a certain sadness.. something bittersweet about it. A part of me wants so much to hold on to everything I believed was beautiful this year.. but I guess even happy memories is something you let go when the wind blows. Not because you love it any less, but because you trust that the wind will carry it to a place where everything sacred is kept. I am not ready. But time waits for no one.. and the wind is fickle. I feel uncertain and a little displaced. But I have been here, and unlike before where I struggled and kicked and fought change, this time, I will let the wind take me in whatever direction she pleases. After all, whichever way she chooses, I know I am in for another adventure.

So here’s to a new era.. a new chapter.. a new journey.. a new adventure. May the winds be gentle, but should it show its power, may I have the courage to let go of my fears and uncertainties, and trust that it is only teaching me how to fly.

Have a great week everyone!! ..and I am soooooo glad to be back.. I already feel my soul begin to soar!!

Moms: A Tribute to the Wonderful Women of my Life

giselle101 — Mon, 10 May 2010 13:32:18 +0000

I have had the privilege of being surrounded by wonderful women all my life. I owe a lot of who I am today to these women.. women who are strong, not by physical strength or even demeanor, but by character and integrity.. women who have changed the community or society they circulate in by their ability to care and act, by their pursuit of dialogue and advancement, and by living up to the standards they put on themselves… yet has remained kind, compassionate, and even gentle. I cannot think of a more apt person for being all these than my own mother, Betsy Rose. My mom has survived and lived through a long battle of cardiac disease with my dad, managing businesses that was going up and even those going down, running non-government organizations, won and loss elections, disappointment from family and so-called friends.. I’ve seen her cry, uncertain, even hurt.. but ultimately, it is her faith in god, dignity, and steadfastness that shines through. It never ceases to amaze me how many times I’ve seen her be the first one to reach out to people who have hurt or betrayed her or our family. I have so much to learn.. but I’ve had good examples. Like I said, I’ve been surrounded by such women, and in honor of Mother’s Day, I would like to say Thank you to some of them.

To Tita Ins.. the ever constant in our lives.. for never once failing us through EVERYTHING. I know I can count on your love, strength, and counsel anytime, any day. You are one of the first people I always run to.. even for just a hug. You are a balm to the wounded.. always our champion. But it doesn’t stop there, you’ve always fed on my love for travel, arts, fashion, and the finer things in life. One look at me, and people know who’s had great influence

To Mommy Joj.. for just being yourself and showing us a lot of humor through the years.. for being sane, realistic and real, saying things as it really is, when everyone else is in denial. You make it so much easier to relate and talk to you. Despite the outward nonchalance, you are truly one of those who really care.

To Momski and Mommy Babes (Tita Belen Mariano and Tita Babydoll Diago).. for taking to heart being my godmothers and making me their adopted “dawter” for always making things fun and light and easy… even and especially when things were difficult and sad. For supporting my love of “burloloy” and all my “kaartehan” but mostly, for being there and loving us, no matter what.

To Ate Tisha.. for not just being The BEST sister to me, and an AWESOME mom to her girls.. but for being a GREAT friend as well. For always listening, even beyond what is spoken.. for being fair, yet never once making me doubt your love and loyalty.. for always making me laugh when all else fails I am truly blessed to have you in my life.

To all others, whose name my not be written but have been so much a part of my life.. family, friends.. you know who you are.. I am humbled and blessed by your presence in my journey. Thank you.. my only hope is that I have reflected back to you in some way the goodness and love I have been shown and thus carry in my heart though the years.

Happy Mom’s Day to all you wonderful Women!!

The Culture of UnCaring

giselle101 — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 11:13:41 +0000

I have been struggling lately. Not a single big thing.. just little things adding up, one thing after the other. Nonetheless, it’s kept my spirits down, and it’s been a challenge to bring it up. It would have been easier if I had my angel here.. I could just pour my heart out and get a clearer perspective fast.. or if I’m not ready to talk, at least I would feel like someone really cares… cares enough to know and ask at least, or just know and cheer me on… or just be there for me. But I don’t have that here. I have myself… so I go through my battles alone. Quietly. Withdrawing back to me.. until I see more clearly.. or get back to more solid ground. Then I smile and the world seems right again, the world takes on where I left off.. because that’s what’s become of the world we live with. For as long as you smile, the world can stay the same and pretend all is well. Because the truth is, for the most part, if we are not affected by something, we don’t care. We don’t want to care. We stay away and “mind our own business”. We pretend not to notice other people’s pain or needs, because we don’t want to be involved.. god forbid, we may be required to have to be asked for help.. or even worse, have to listen, and actually be a friend. No, we can’t do that. We have to stay uncaring. It’s cool to be cold… or at least lukewarm. Let’s stay small. It’s better to laugh a little and cry a little… don’t feel too deep. Don’t come too close. That’s how one gets hurt… better yet, don’t feel anything at all. Next thing you know, you have lived the culture of UnCaring.. you don’t care about others and others don’t care about you… though you all pretend to care. I actually recently tried to adopt to this culture. I see it all around.. why not try it.. everyone does it. But I can’t do it.. I can’t fully commit to it. It’s just the anti-me. I am never cool. I don’t like half measures. It’s against everything that holds true for me. I like to engage and be engaged. I like to live and love with passion… to giggle and laugh and sing, as hard and as often as I can… to try new things, explore and experience new possibilities.. or cry with all my tears when I am down or hurting. I like openness and being connected. I like to feel everything… even if it sometimes means getting hurt. It’s a small price to pay to being truly happy… and alive. I get involve with the lives of people I care about, and those I call friends… or even things I believe in. I cannot just standby and watch life pass me by. It’s ultimately driven by the fact that I believe Life is too short… too short not be lived to the fullest… too short not to be lived in the grandest possible way you can… too short not to realize what you are capable of, too short not to create your greatest adventures.. and isn’t caring about yourself and others truly the greatest of all?? Isn’t knowing at the end of your day, that you cared enough to get involved, to be a part of, what really matters?? Shouldn’t that be our legacy, our timelessness, our mark upon the earth??

I care.. even if I sometimes don’t want to.. even if it’s not easy. I wish that everyone who would read this would think about it.. and try it. Try caring.. try looking beyond yourself. Try to reach out and care.. let’s start a culture of caring.. until it hurts no more. Then maybe… just maybe, your life will be a little richer.. maybe, you’d have finally learned to love.

So, here’s to us… those brave enough to care… may our spirits be sustained and nourished.. and may we always be Warriors of the Light.

Have a great weekend everyone!!

A Way With Words

giselle101 — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 17:44:35 +0000

I am very expressive. I like to be able to convey what I think or feel. It is not uncommon for me to be very animated when I speak. My eyes, my smile… or frown, which ever the case may be… my voice, my hands.. they always tell a story. Yet despite this being very natural for me, I have learned over the years to temper my words… especially when I am angry or hurt. I have learned early on how a single word can wound the heart. I always try to say things as it is, but I have learned to be kinder or gentler.. especially when the truth hurts. Sometimes a single word can change everything. I remember a time down memory lane when I was being teased with someone, and out of sheer embarrassment I said, “Yuck!!” One word. Yet, I knew the second after I said it, that I hurt him… and lost him. Did I really mean it?? No, I didn’t. But my carelessness and thoughtlessness taught me something valuable. We cannot afford to take people’s feelings for granted. Once we say something, it is sooooo difficult to take it back. Sometimes, even if our actions say otherwise, it is our words that confirm or repel something for someone. I live by words. Others say that action speaks louder than words.. and, it is true. After all, you cannot just believe what everyone says. Words need to be backed by action. But action alone is incomplete for me. There lies a lot of gray. It is through words that the action is clearly understood.

I see and hear a lot of bull everyday, everywhere. People saying things, not really meaning half of them. People trying to fool others, not knowing that they are just fooling themselves. So many people fall into this trap. People expect honesty, yet they are not honest themselves… even to their selves. This truly separates those who are closest to me from the rest of the pack. Contrary to my easy demeanor, I am not easy to love. I highly value honesty… in myself and in others. People may say they like honesty, but more often than not, it scares them. How can one not get scared, when sometimes one can’t even look at themselves honestly. It takes time, a whole lot of trust, and maybe some faith, to be more honest. But it is only when you stop resisting the urge to keep people away, and allow them to see the real person, that love can truly be possible.

So here’s to all of us, may we learn to say what we mean, and mean what we say.. may we learn to be more honest, if not to others, then at least with ourselves… and may our whole being be reflective of that honesty.

Have a good week everyone!!

The Dawn

giselle101 — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 11:18:08 +0000

It’s 3:22 AM.. while I am just about to sleep, I feel like I am but about to wake up.

I have been sick the last few days. Those who know me know how much I loathe being sick. It’s forced confinement for me. While I know that rest will rejuvenate me and get me better, the part where I am on hold from living is what gets me. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the importance of resting so I can get back to being healthy, that is why I behave and endure my confinement… but I cannot tell you enough how much I miss my sun… the breeze, the beach, my people… being out there… engaging Life with whatever it brings. Today, I feel better. I know I have almost passed the night. The dawn is coming. It will be a better day. My beautiful sun will shine soon and I will once again bask in it’s light… literally and figuratively My spirit is already rising with the dawn. I don’t have much to say really… except that, I AM BACK!!

So here’s to us… for everyone who is going through any darkness in their lives… serious or otherwise, I wish you hope and faith, because the night does end. Soon the dawn will appear, and with it, comes a new day.

Have a great day everyone!! I’m sooooooo happy to be back!! ;p